Log in

I feel like a million bucks.

I love talking to him. It makes me feel like I can rule the world. I tell him that he's my baby, and he gets all blushy over it. It's just cool. Not commited or anything complicated like that, but we're doing great. :D It just makes me smile. I do adore him. yeah, I feel like a fricking school girl. But yeah, now for the downfall.

I am going to be so late for work today, because my brother decides that he doesn't want to come home when he's supposed to. Yeah, prick. :( grrrrrrr
I just got back in touch with Robert. It's like we just clicked all over again. But like a million times over. We were just so open and just so honest about everything! I explained why we broke up, and he told me how he didn't hate me, and that we found we have a mutual want for something more. How we both felt like we were missing something while we weren't together, and how we couldn't let go of the past. Yadi yadi yadi. I told him about Lance and he told me that he felt responsible for me having gone through that like it was his fault. He told me he still loved me in some ways, but that it had been so long. He wants me to visit in December if he hasn't left for Afghanistan yet. He says he blames the Air Force for the break up, and that he hopes (we hope) that we can have something again. I don't know what to think. I'm just in such bliss except for being so damn tired from all the talking. It's like we picked up where we left off, before he had left for England. I still love him in some ways. I forgot why we had broken up, save the distance. But anywho....yeah, that's it for me.
Okay, Thanksgiving was great except for the fact I started to cry when we were saying what we were thankful for. It still hurts. I wish I could've had my husband next to me, and saying how grateful I am for the wonderful family I have. But no, I couldn't. I couldn't say that, because my soon to be ex husband is a digraceful bastard mother fucker. He didn't even call to say HAPPY FRICKIN THANKSGIVING TO OUR BABY DAUGHTER! It's not the fact that she'll remember, but that he's supposed to do it, because she's his daughter. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me, ya know? I just don't understand how men can let go of their children so very quickly. It seems like I only know of a few men who actually stay around for their children. Who are there as fathers, regardless of what is going on with their baby's momma. They just don't seem to care anymore. What happened in our generation? My parents, the overall older generations, know best to stick around with the family, and for God sake, be a man, and be that family! Not be a drunk looser, who let's his wifey take care of him, and then wonder why she left. BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! I ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF YOU! No matter what I did, to in any way compare to your faults, YOU always took the cake Lance. You always one upped me. Bt not in the parenting department, not in the "take care of your family" department, not in the "being a grown ass adult with responsibilities" department. yOU JUST COULDN'T GET OUT OF BEING A SINGLE MAN WHO LOVED TO PARTY! You couldn't ever be the grown man who wanted to be part of a family. I HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE! YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE! You gave me a beautiful baby girl, and then just walked away emotionally, you took off when I needed the man, the father. You allowed for me to be the survival mode independant. You let this happen to yourself by not being the man and the father you needed to be. All I wanted was for us to work, all you needed to do was quit everything you were doing, get an honest job, quit bringing your DUMBASS FRIENDS around the house, and that CRACK WHORE YOU WANTED TO HANG AROUND SO MUCH! I HATE YOU FOR BRINGING HER INTO MY HOME! God knows you brought her around our daughter. I LOVED YOU! I LOVED YOU LIKE NO ONE ELSE WOULD! I LOVED YOU LIKE ONLY A WIFE AND PARTNER COULD! I only wanted the best for you, how cold you do this to our family? HOW COULD YOU BE THIS JERK YOU ARE???? How do you find it in yourself to let our baby go? How can you go for one day without hearing her voice? How could yo let it go? Why couldn't you just change and be my husband? Why did you let me leave so easily? I did it to teach you a lesson, and you proved to me, you're not worth the love and emotion strain I gave for you. YOU'RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING ANYMORE! YOU ARE THE REASON WE ARE NO LONGER! FUCK YOU for being the asshole wannabe dad that our daughter will never know! FUCK YOU for making me love you and feel like I could rescue you! FUCK YOU for leading me to believe you could change! But at the same time, thank you for allowing me to see that I am okay by myself, thank you allowing me to get over you faster, and for allowing me to be the strong independant woman I will be. Thank you giving me this beautiful baby girl, that you will never know. Thanks for giving me a reason. Whatever, I'm getting over you, but I'm not over you. I left, yeah I did, what about it? You left me no choice. I tried too hard for too long. No one could understand that, because they PITTIED YOU! Whatever. You're a dick. Good luck finding someone who will give you everything you need and want without question. Fuck you Lance. Fuck you.

These quotes are cool. :D

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a lance.
Gone With the Wind (1939)
(the word was 'damn')

Pay no attention to that man behind the marleena!
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
(the word was 'curtain')

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the Rachel Room!
Dr. Strangelove (1964)
(the word was 'War')


I'm so naughty!

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In June I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In August I helped irishstarr across the street (6 points). In February I set twindaw's puppy on fire (-66 points). Last week I caught a purse-snatcher who stole baby_juliet_02's purse (30 points). In April I ruled Canada as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-806 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

It's about 1:30 pm here, almost.

I talked to my sister-in-law Dessie, and we had a very good convo, that lasted approximately 25 minutes. I sent off the babies pictures today so they'd get there in a few days. I made it a point to send Dessie, and Bonnie and Frank pics, but not Lance, cause he's an ass. Upside. I talked to Lance after I got home from running erands and taking Nina to the park to play. I made her chicken for lunch, how cool is this momma over here! But anywho, yeah, he seemed like he didn't want to talk to me, so I guess that's a good thing. I have to find my lawyers number to let them know I'm sending my payment late this month, and that it'll be $50. I'll send more next week. He won't be too upset. But yeah, I think Lance is finally going to give me what I want, and that means I only owe about $100 more to this lawyer for his awesome services. lol. :D SO yeah, I'm oober excited if Lance gives me the divorce, and isn't fighting it. He seems mad at me, and that's cool. :D *big cheese* But I have to talk to mom and dad about taking Nina over to see Lance's family in December. Dessie and Bonnie miss her real bad, and they wanted pics, and a voice recording so they can hear her talk a lot more. :D Ain't I a great soon to be ex daughter/ sister in law? I'm a great and very kind baby's momma. Oh yeah, I hated Britney Spears for marrying Kevin Federline, as did most of the nation, so I'm very thrilled that they're getting divorced too. lol. :D I'm mean. Okay, my baby is done eating her chicken, so I've gotta run. I have many things to do including laundry, all having to be accomplished in the next hour and a half. SO ciao for now bitches!

I'm up, bright and early today.

I actually had to get my driver's liscence today, but I'm not, because I lost $30. I am so upset with myself. IT SUCKS!!!! But anywho, yeah lost that much money. I don't know how I did it either. I know I didn't just count wrong,because I'm not that retarded. I have to send a payment to my lawyer, which is like $50. I can't believe I lost thta money. grrrrr!!!!Anyways, yeah, I'm gonna check my e-mail again. BORED!

I thought this was cute for Marlo.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Sprinting across the wasteland, swinging two hardened pitas, cometh Marleena! And she gives a gutteral howl:

"I'm going to punch you until you purr like a bitch-kitten!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

some quizes

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Sprinting on the icy wasteland, brandishing a meaty axe, cometh Rachel! And she gives an ominous scream:

"I'm going to pierce a hole in you the size of God!!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td height="40" style="background-image:url(http://i.myyearbook.com/images/bul_top.gif); border-bottom:1px solid black; padding:3px;" align="center" colspan="2">What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)</td></tr><tr><td align="center" style="border-left:2px solid black ; border-right:2px solid black ; background-color:EDEDED;" colspan="2">

You have eden eyes. Eden is the color of water. Your eyes symbolize your great flexibility. You are a creative person. You can think of many good ways to get your point across to people as you have very good communication abilities. When someone feels down or is hurt, you have the remarkable ability to help them and heal them. If you have too little going on in your life, you may be withdrawn and depressed, timid, manipulative, unreliable, stubborn, or suspicious. Some words to describe you: peaceful, sincere, affectionate, tranquil, intuitive, trustworthy, pure, loyal, healing, and stable. </td></tr><tr><td style="border-left:2px solid black ; border-bottom:2px solid black ; padding:5px; " width="50%">Take The Quiz Now!</td><td align="right" style="border-right:2px solid black ; border-bottom:2px solid black ; padding:5px; " width="50%">Quizzes by myYearbook.com</td></tr></table>

SO I started a new diet....

I'm taking leptopril a dietary suplement. I saw it on tv, and figured, even if it didn't work for the massive weight loss, then at least for about 20 or 30 lbs. You know? But I'm looking to loose about 50 lbs. I'm kinda scared, but I want to be down to 140 by my sister's weddin, so we both can look good for her big day, and she won't be ambarrassed of having a thick twin stand in her wedding. O YEAH! LIBBY IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!! July 7th, 2007. I'm rolling at about 190 lbs, so yeah, I really want to loose the fat. I don't care so much about the excess skin I hae, I just want to loose the baby fat, and the overly stressed fat. It makes me feel better to think I'm doing something for me, to help my self esteem, and I know if I loose weight then I'd have the self esteemback. :) yeah, just want to give a holla out about my week. Work has been great, except for the break down and tears, I'm doing very well. :D Yeah, I had a rough night yesterday. :D I got 6 bucks off a 110.00 dollar ticket. That is sick. There's nothing good about that. :( Then my table 11 was being a bitch, and then 21 was being an asshole. He was being mean and made me cry. :( But anywho, yeah. It was rough, but I just gotta thicken my skin a lot more. That's it for me, HUGS!!!